Prayers and Answers
Yesterday morning, I prayed that God would show me something new in the Bible for that day. I felt like I had read Luke a million times, so I needed to pay attention, and I really wanted to apply something new.
So Jesus sends out the 12 for missions and he tells them to settle in one house and work out of there. He didn’t want the missionaries bouncing from house to house seeing who would be the best hosts, he just wanted them to focus on their mission.
SMACK! I need to quit dreaming of a bigger house and how that will happen and use the place (2 bedroom 1 bath condo) I have now to do the ministry I am called to do. God placed me here for a reason.
God told me that it is not about how big the house is, but how big the love is in the house.
Abram and Devine Appointments
Today we heard about Abram in church. God said GO and he did. He didn’t say what would happen, or even where they were going, he just said go and Abram obeyed.
Oh God how I wish I had faith like that… or do I? I have gone so much… Abram got stopped on his journey, it took him a while… He lied and lingered where he shouldn’t have. He wasn’t perfect.
God wants us to aim for perfection, but he does NOT expect us to be perfect. He desires it, but does not expect it. He remembers we are only dust. So why oh why do we expect the same for ourselves?
Because sometimes the devil knows our weaknesses. He knows what buttons to push and he keeps on pushing them. Of course I don’t want to give him too much credit, because I let him.
Oh, and God sets appointments for me. Apparently the one I set was not meant to be. I was supposed to meet a friend after church. Couldn’t find her. I did find that I had 3 very dramatic life-altering conversations. The type that things change after our talk. Mostly God needed me to inspire, but also to be inspired. “You know what you are doing,” He says, like a dad reassuring me while I try riding my bike without training wheels. “Even if you lose your balance, I am right here.”
3. One, two, three. I spoke to them. God spoke to me.
One, don’t lose faith. Your finances will work out. Remember how I am going to be enough for you?
Two, you inspire people and love people, and you do it well. S, when you take the time to actually build a relationship with someone you can really affect them.
Three, you are not alone. Others battle depression the way you do. Band together, for there is strength in numbers. There are others who feel lonely who need community the way that you do. Hold fast, help is on the way. Love and inspiration will lead to some awesome collaboration.
Oh, not to mention that you help to inspire leaders. That’s like a bonus nugget. You are becoming a connector you know. You are getting it.
Oh, and S, “ITS ALL HAPPENING!”
Don’t forget you are called….
Today the Holy Spirit called a meeting.
My friend and mentor called together wonderful women and cast vision. Vision.
All of the sudden, she was speaking and it hit me. How could I be so blind? Did I forget the Endure House? Did I forget that I was called?
Not only am I called for this, because I am to only be the catalyst for these houses, but I will speak… I will teach… I will share the hope of the Lord with those who have no hope.
God you have called me here, with these women. You keep pursuing me. Don’t ever give up, don’t ever let me forget.
I need to share some scripture here, as a way to document it: Revelations 3: to the church in Philadelphia, Psalm 66, Genesis 50:20, Numbers 3o, Isaiah 61, Ester: for such a time as this, and the JOY of the Lord is my strength!
I know, you told me how you put me through things lord so that I may use my experience to help others.
God all I want is to Glorify your name! All I want is to serve you my God. All I want is to share your hope with the hopeless.
Just you wait until you see, you of little faith. Keep your eyes on the Lord and there is no limit to where you will go. No limit.
You will never leave me
You will always love me.
I can do nothing to earn your love.
I can do nothing to lose your love.
You want me to live a life that is truly life.
Help me Papa.
When the legs fall out from underneath you
Today we had some awesome worship. My new lady pastor/friend was playing keyboards. Something happened during the last song, and the keyboard stand fell down. At first she clapped along with the song, but she was not content with that. Praise God, this woman got down on her knees and finished the song with the keyboard on the floor.
How encouraging was that! Yes, she was embarrassed, yes she was unsure what to do. But women of God do not give up that easy! We don’t stand at the sidelines and clap along. We are a part of this orchestra of sound and music that is the Church, and we are not going to just stand by and clap. We have a role to play!
When something happens and the legs fall out do NOT be discouraged. Get going back to your talents, and use them, glorifying God.
God bless you my dear sister! You give me strength to be courageous in spite of disaster! Ain’t nothing gonna stop me from praising the Lord!
If you would not fail, if money were no object
Have you ever been asked the question “what is your passion?” Seriously, lots of people think about traveling the world, or buying a mansion. But for me, I think passion, I think “what breaks your heart?”
God places burdens on our hearts so that we can accept responsibility for the burden. He doesn’t do it so that we can tell someone else about it. He does it so that we can be the change in the world.
So, what would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if money were no object? How would you change the world for better if you could?
These things break my heart: homelessness, broken women, poverty, broken homes, not knowing God’s love, stigmas against mental illness.
God said: put these together. Run a home for people, broken people that have nothing. Broken people that have no love. Broken people that have no options, and would come to you out of despiration. People that know there is something better. People that want to change.
And that is the key, WANTING TO CHANGE. Being ready to change. So I am asking God to increase my discernment. I need to know who is ready to change, and who is not.
I have a friend whom I love dearly, but she is not ready to change. I tried to help her. I am still here if she needs me, but I won’t be taken advantage of. I need discernment from this.
God wants obedience over comfort. What is it that God is asking you to walk away from? The shepards left their sheep to visit baby Jesus (Luke 2) and something is telling me that while I don’t have to leave sheep, I have to leave my comfort zone. I have to go places I am not comfortable, places I have avoided.
So now I need to figure out what it is that I need to do next. I need to step into the Jordan, and get my feet wet (thanks Jen!) and I need to know what I need to know, and work on that.
Sammy
Sammy (not his real name) was a homeless man. Sammy struggles with Bipolar Disorder and addictions to alcohol and cocaine. Sammy is going to run my men’s home.
You see, Sammy has got what it takes. Sammy has a passion for helping people out of their pits. Sammy has come out of that pit. Not to say that he is perfect, he recently relapsed and had to start all over again. As of today he is only 25 days sober.
None of us are perfect. None of us never sin. Only Jesus never sinned.
So, I told Sammy that he has a lot of work to do. I want him to run my house. He knew what I meant. He wants to do it too. He knows that he has mountains of work to do. But, he is looking forward to it. He told me that he loves AA and hopes to go to a meeting everyday for the rest of his life.
Why? Because he learns so much about himself.
God, let me learn so much about myself everyday, and even more about you. Guide us on this journey that we must endure, and help us with this project. In Jesus Name! AMEN.
Rahab
Read about Rahab in Joshua 2. Rahab was a prostitute, a woman of ill-repute. A woman who was brave and full of faith. A woman who is an ancestor of Jesus.
Why does the Bible share with us stories of broken people? To show God’s grace, yes, but also to show us that His power is enough to overcome anything.
Jen Hatmaker in her book Ms. Understood says that “Women are capable of impossible valor… pity the fool who underestimates the warrior within the woman.” She says that it is obvious how women are strong opponents, because Satan has been attacking us from the beginning.
She goes on to describe how she was called spiritually to write books and how hard the battle has been, yet how God has always come through. So much so that she no longer has fear. Her husband is disturbed by her calm.
I’ve just been here so many times with God. This moment is familiar. He has gently nudged me off the ledge so often, and, though free-falling a bit, I’m always caught by God’s rescue net of faithfulness. This cycle has happened so frequently, I’m almost incapable of the old brand of fear. Certainly, there are concerns, but I can’t not trust God. He’s come through too many times.
When I read that paragraph, tears welled up in my eyes. Oh how I know too well the nudges from God over the edge, the free fall, the net…
I’m living the truth: “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” Isaiah 26:3. I am not calm on the outside and freak show on the inside. I’m not tanking up on sedatives to keep from going postal. Peace dipped down and overcame me in spite of myself. It is God’s handiwork.
I could not have put it any better myself. How often I could have “gone postal” and how many xanax I actually packed and ended up not taking any. Facing the enemy itself. Just like Rahab.
How did she not lose her composure when the soldiers came to ask her where the Hebrew spies were? How did I not lose my composure when faced with a straight out liar? “…The Lord makes it possible. Fear is no match for the Spirit of peace.”
Jen reminds me that not only am I called for the purpose of my step-son, but also for Endure house. Jen reminded me that I had a blog, okay well maybe it was the Holy Spirit nudging me. I haven’t forgotten what I have called you to do, I am still working to make it happen. Are you still in?
How can I say no? How can I p0ssibly say no! I have no response but YES LORD with my whole soul screaming out.
Rahab is the mother of Boaz, who married Ruth. An ancestor of Jesus.
Endure House, not forgotten.
Agape
So I heard this term “agape” in service on Sunday. I really liked it. I mean, I have heard it before. A long time ago I went to a Bible study because the guy was cute who asked me, and it was called Agape. So that is where I found out what it means. Agape is a greek word that implies sacrificial love, versus eros, which is erotic love, or philia which is brotherly love. And the word is used in the Bible in 1 John 4:8 where is says God is love, its says God is AGAPE. So this agape love is a self sacrificial love. See here if you want to read more. In the article it says “Sacrificial love is not based on a feeling, but a determined act of the will, a joyful resolve to put the welfare of others above our own.”
So I got the idea to change it from the Endure House to the Agape Endure House Project. Call me nuts. I just really felt like agape needs to be it. Maybe I should just call it the Agape Project, and make it go deeper than just a home, or a few homes. Maybe what it should be is something ingrained into the DNA of the church, that you open your homes up to others in need. Not just for a meal, not just for a night.
This is a huge undertaking. I don’t know how this will happen. I mean, how do you change the selfish people’s ideas so that they can be open to AGAPE? How do you ingrain it into their DNA when they can’t even help to tear the chairs down at church?
Know this, a revolution is coming.
I didn’t end up at the HUD conference with Sammy for nothing. What are you doing here God, what do you need me to do? I want to be a part of this.
But then sometimes I wonder if I am doing this so that I can control others. Am I doing this out of my co-dependent nature? Whenever I doubt myself, I know it must be Satan, because who is the father of doubt and lies?
If you want to change the world, you have to start by moving forward, right?
God, let me step down from playing you. Let me step aside so you can move. Let me step behind you because I want to be a part of you moving.
Prayer and Fasting
Sometimes we “Christ-followers” do a crazy thing called fasting.
Today I am fasting for the 67 percent of people in this world who don’t know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Sadly, even fewer folks have a personal relationship with him the way that I do. And it breaks my heart and makes me want to cry.
I did weep today. I am overwhelmed by God’s goodness.
Maybe I am not the one to run the Endure house, but I am the one to help it launch.
God does funny things to me.
Like he talks to me and puts stuff on my heart.
He breaks through walls and barriers of people. My husband’s wall is crumbling.
Let the things of God be enough for me. I am hungry, my stomach cries out. Yet so many others will never ever be satisfied no matter how much food they eat, sex they have, drugs they shoot, smoke or snort, and beers they drink. Because they have not Love.
God is love. It says so in 2 John. I had it read at my wedding.
I love God so much, and his heart, that I want everyone I know to be healed by him. I want that. I yearn for his love to transform them. I like big parties of people, I would love to actually be friends with my husband’s son’s mother. There ain’t no way this is happening without Christ.
I want the girls to know him, to be healed.
I want my dad and yo to be healed, to have my heart healed to them.
Only in Jesus. He loves me so much more than my little body can comprehend, and it overwhelms me to the point of prayer in tears. Oh and my friend Sally, how I long for her to let Him in and heal her wholly. Oh Jesus, these people need you, I need you.
Thank you God.
I know one day when I get to heaven, you will show me all the lives I have touched, and that will be the crown on my head. I lay this at your feet oh God, because I am not worthy of this task, only through your son.
Jesus be praised.
